He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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