I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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