Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
