I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
