I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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