I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
