I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
