Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
