Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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