He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
