we were pretty classy up until the second keg
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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