my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
