Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
