I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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