i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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