i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
