I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
