I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
