You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
