a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
