it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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