Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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