don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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