So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
