giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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