Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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