yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
