It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
accomplished twins. life is a go
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
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Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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