So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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