I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
