I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
