We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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