dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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