Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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