Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize