don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
