it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
