Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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