Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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