every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
