just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
