So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
honey bunches of taint.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
