do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
