So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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