Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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