So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
