He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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