Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Boobs speak an international language.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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