Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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