So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
