Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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