i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
As shirtless as possible
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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