my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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