can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
