I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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