Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
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So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
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Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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