life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
