One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
