Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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