You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
