I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
